Grandpa’s Advice for Parents of Young Children about Screentime
Children’s app publishers you can trust
Do you hand your phone to your toddler to keep him/her quiet when you’re at a restaurant, or on an important Zoom session?
Do you hide the iPad from your preschooler, because they tantrum when you try to take it away?
Is your 65 inch 4K living room TV being used “too much”— stealing hours of waking childhood hours?
I started seriously studying children and technology back in 1983, at the dawn of my public teaching career … and the microcomputer. Today I’m a Grandfather who lives with my work-at-home daughter, and son-in-law; and two grandsons — one 19 months; the four and a half.
So now I’m seeing my own 31 year old child struggle to manage the seductive forces of the iPad (loaded with my carefully curated apps), and that ever-waiting Nintendo Switch.
Screens have changed a lot in 20 years, but child development hasn’t. A child goes through the same developmental stages in 2023 as they did in 1923; and the basic theories of psychology and human development haven’t changed much. In fact, they can give today’s parents some helpful guidance to better manage the mysteries of new technologies.
THE ABS MODEL — ACCESS, BALANCE AND SUPPORT
The ABS model for screen time views emerging technologies as a new form of literacy rather than something to be avoided or limited. Rather than putting energy into setting limits, it suggests that parents thoughtfully provide access (A) to a variety of well selected media and technologies through a child’s key developmental stages; along with a balance (B) of other options, in a supportive and supervised (S) setting.
This is easier said than done of course. Every child and home is unique. There is no single expert who can tell you the best way to use technology. To make matters worse, you can’t rely on your own upbringing to figure out this pandora’s box, because these technologies were very different when you were a child. So take the following recommendations with a grain of salt. What works for one setting might not work for another. The most important advise is to not take advice. Trust your gut, and your own knowledge of your child.
FIVE CONCRETE SUGGESTIONS
- BE CAREFUL WITH LIMITS. Any seasoned teacher knows that if something is off limits — be it a cookie or an iPad — a child’s interest will grow exponentially. Before you set a timer (see good timers, bad timers, below) or find your self saying “only 1 hour of screen time today” know that you might actually be working against yourself, and creating a screen monster.
- MAKE A “QUALITY CONTINUUM” FOR ALL FORMS OF MEDIA. You can also fight fire with fire, by making screen time developmentally appropriate. There are games that build logical and spatial thinking; and apps can improve reading and math skills. “Good” screentime builds human relationships, and “makes goodness attractive” (to quote Fred Rogers). “Bad” screentime promotes passivity, manipulates a child to buy something (the worst), is highly commercial, or contains scary or inappropriate content. Keep a quality apps (I like Sago Mini series, and Toca Hair Salon Me) on your phone for the shopping cart line; and coview or coplay some good quality games or apps — play along with your child.
- COVIEW AND COPLAY. That’s when you watch or play with screen-based content TOGETHER with your child. Make a bowl of popcorn and take in a few episodes of Bluey — which is designed for both parents and children. Turn your phone into a relationship building machine, with tools like Facetime or (gasp) a telephone. Start up a quality open world game like Super Mario Oddesy or Zelda, and help your child through the hard parts. This takes time and effort, but it’s worth it.
- FILL YOUR CHILD’S LIFE WITH DAP. That’s “developmentally appropriate practice.” Get a puppy that needs to be walked, or turn a cardboard box into a fort. Making sure your child has a ready supply of paper, markers or crayons, blocks, books, things to throw and catch and time with children his or her own age.
- BE A ROLE MODEL. Not too be a spreader of guilt but too many parents are on Instagram while they’re telling their preschooler to limit their screen time. Just remember — people first — always. If someone asks you a question, put your phone or laptop down, and give them your full attention. When you’re in a meeting, put your phone in your pocket and lower your laptop screen. Eye contact is critically important, and it will never go out of style.
Good timers and bad timers — words don’t work with a young child. So don’t say “5 more minutes” unless you really mean it. Instead use events in their gameplay (one more level) to define the remaining time. If you have to use a timer, you can ask your smart speaker to give a five minute warning; or use a visual timer that shows how much time is left.
This article is designed to accompany a segment on “All Sides with Ann Fisher” a live, public affairs talk show on WOSU-NPR public radio with screened listener comments. Here’s a link the program that I’m on.
Online at www.wosu.org/allsides/.
